Thursday, May 15, 2008

What’s the Deal with Gun Control?

Question from C. Heston, Cold Dead Fingers, CA

Skippy has had to read all the rocket sturgeons over simply frying the issues of Gub Control and who should be strapped and who should have to shoot the other one. And a fine kettle of soup that is.

Well here's a little antidotal evidence to stir the part. Many people ask me, they ask: "Skippy (that's me) how come why do you have a mental plate in your head? And if so, why not?"
And Skippy replies honestly. Skippy can be honest because Skippy has no intentions of becoming the next president of the U.S. America, because he feels it's already messed up enough.

Skippy's reply as to how come why he has a metal plate in his head is "Elective surgery."
Meanwhile several years after the sturgeon operated, Skippy was cleaning his weapon collection. First he cleaned his Grock with Oxydol. Next, his genuine Civilized War Muskelunge was cleaned. This one shot weapon requires the soldier to put his balls up his barrel then push them all the way in with a stiff rod before he shoots it off. These weapons was used in the Whore Between the States and resulted in many deaths, mostly to the users, who was bayoneted while looking for their balls.

The trouble started when Skippy tried to clean his Smith & Weapon .38 Police Special Snug Nose Special. (Good rule of thumbs for gub owners: Always unload your gub first before you clean it, even if you don't know if you are loaded or not, which Skippy didn't."

To make a short story longer, Skippy started cleaning it as he usually do by first starting with the trigger guard, named after Roy Rogers Horse, Dale Evans. But Low and Beyond, the gub went off, and a bullet fired with a big bong.

And Skippy is hear to tell you, if it wasn't for the metal plate in his noggin he wouldn't be hear to tell you. The bullet re-crocheted off of the front stoop. All doublewides in the Trailer Pork have a cardicil requiring front stoops on each Doublewide, although they one be installed in your rear exit, if you prefer. (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

Fortunately the gub was aimed away from Skippy, so the bullet didn't hit anything important other than Floyd's ass, named “Francis, The Talking Ass.” Happily his ass wasn't hurt but Floyd did get in trouble because you're not supposed to have pets in the pork. (And if you've ever had your pork petted, you'll know why.)

So howsoever, did Skippy injure his self when how the bullet missed? Shut down and sit up and Skippy will tell you. See, Skippy realized what a dumb thing he had just did and then slapped hisself in his four heads with his open palm. Unfortunately, his open palm was still closed around the .38 police special at the time, which was also still in his hand.

The gub caroomed off the metal plate in his skull with a "clang," leaving his head numb but Skippy unhurt. And Skippy has been a numbskull ever since.

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