Skippy thinks that Don Snyder, the owner and chef of the Washington Redscums will dance with the one who brang him as soon as NFL Free Allegory starts February 27th-ish.
Remember last year when the Redscums traded two picks (nose and water) to the Miami Dolphins, (formerly the Renault Dauphines)? Huh? Huh? In exchange for those toothpicks, the Marine and Puce only received the runner-oops from the last “Dancing with the Stars” TV show.
That prayer, Defensive End Jasmine Taylor, quickly began injuring his extremities. First he had Planter’s Fascitititititis, which means your foot hurts. Then he hurt his knee. How? Fried. No, wait, wrong joke. Actually, Taylor’s knee got badly hyper-extenuated when he arrived so late trying to make a tackle, the next play had already started.
Next Taylor completed the Hat Truck of injuries when his calf got Compartmentilization Sitdown. That’s when a player drives himself to the hospital in the middle of the night to garner sympathy for himself but not, ironically, for Jennifer Garner, who is smokin’ hot.
Here’s what Skippy thinks. (If he’s wrong, blame the nascent science of Plate Tectonics.) See, Don Snyder has been out of the sportlight spurtlight for years. Well, except to remind us now and then that he can’t draft or hire someone who can, can’t win, can’t trade, and can’t run an amusement park which rises bold and stark while kids huddle on the beach in a mist. Also, he picked the wrong Scientologist as his movie buddy.
So Skippy thuswise stinks Synder will look to make a major splatdown by trading away the farm for extensive Free Agencies who will disappoint fans or disappear or both. Turns out getting Taylor in time to channel the fading career of Bruce Smith was just a warmup.
Look for Snyder to trade his #1 pick this year and next year for a Baltimore Oriole linebacker, plus spend $80 million more for Alan Haynseworth, defensive tickle of the Tittans or defensive end Julius Caesar of the Carolina Pinchers.
Whichever one they get will eat himself out of horse and home and/or plan a second career as an Hollywood Action Herpes. Skippy believes in the old Scottish expression "Stay the Gorse" and build threw the daft.