Monday, April 21, 2008
Is Toys Safe?
"Which is safer, new toys or old vintage toys which aren't so old to me?"
--M. Safer 60 Minutes
Many toys are mostly made in The Popeil’s Republic of China, where they have plenty of lead on hand for the toys, which are then reported to the United States to poison poor children-- because somebody has to.
Latest recall is for “Baby Get the Lead Out” Weighted Diapers, designed to keep your infart in one spot while Mama steps out for a cool one. But it can cause butt chapping of baby’s buttrocks, which baby doesn't like. Before that, Chinese solid lead marvels for Chinese Checkers were recalled because when used for shooting marvels you could kill someone if you're lucky.
Among the 38 toy recalls last year were for too much lead. Others might get logged in baby’s Eucalyptus, which even an emergency Heineken Man-o-war can’t help. Others can be swallowed infernally and can cause instructional preparations of the ass.
Skippy prefers toys from the good old daze. “Tinkle Toys” were a bunch of sticks and round knobs that you could make stuff out of. Also Skippy favored his Erection Set, which used mental lanyards, pullets and screws to help you get an erection.
Skippy never had a BB gub, but liked to play with crap guns. His favorite slogan is “They can fry my cold dead gun along with my fingers after I’m dead,” which was originally said by formerly dead Charlton Moses.
Speaking of gunsluggers, Skippy liked his Roy Rogers Genuine Taxidermy Kit, which Skippy used to stuff toy horses and toy poodles.
Also, Skippy really liked Mama's battery powered imitation banana toy which tickles. Mama didn't give it to Skippy, but Skippy found it in drawer and that's what Mama said it was for. Also Skippy liked Dr. Virgina's "Lil Gynocologist" kit, which helped Skippy get through publicity.
Also Skippy liked Heinz Bacon & Beans "Pull My Finger" game, which Skippy sent off for. Also Skippy liked "Take a Guess: The Moron's Guide to the SAT" game which proofed to be very beneficiary.
Skippy also liked his genuine “I.C.B.M Vanguard Satellite Launch Pad and Tracking Station” by Remco, which was so authentic, all it did was blowed up on the lunch pad.