Friday, June 20, 2008

Skippy's Tips: How To Fly Cheaperer

How can I avoid Luggage fees when I fly?--A. Earhart, New South Wales

As some of you may have already knew, airlines and other criminal enterprises have began to charge passengers $15 to check a bag on the flight on which you are flying or otherwise on board. The cost is $25 for another bag, excluding the Missus. This is because of excessive gas, they claim. Skippy laughs up his shorts at that. What has farting got to do with anything?

Airlines says the fees are needed for them to continue to overcharge passengers while maintaining the minimal service standards for which airlines have become known. The airlines say overall transtipation costs, especially jet fool, continue to rise. Thuswise, luggage carriage alone costs have rise 180 % in the last year alone, they fib.

Skippy has taken these datums and broken them down by cost. Skippy hisself has been broken down mostly by cheap booze and hookers. Some 30% of current luggage lugging costs now goes for the original shippage, airlines claim, with 150% of the expense to re-ship your bags from Kuala Lumpur to your original destination.

These added lugging fees is in addition to the previously before ordered Homely Security Passenger Tacks. After the Seven-Eleven Attacks on the World Train Center, airports tripled nearby parking fees. They says gouging the pubic stops penny-pinching terrorists who won’t pay higher car bum parking costs. How dumb is the American pubic? Don’t ask.

Airlines now also charge extra for not sitting next to a fat guy, earwax removal fees, Stewardess dipilitation fee, Kentucky Windage Fee, Wax Lips Tax, and a fee to cover cocktail napkins for the Captain’s preflight cocktail party.

Skippy suggests you avoid the added baggage feeage by not lugging takage with you, except carrion. Also wear all of your clothing on the flight.

Here’s some more money saving trips:

*Next time you fly, take a bus instead.

*Join the Air Marshmallow Service. You fly free, plus you’re allowed to shoot people.

*Edible Undies.

*Look for special seating bargains, such as Overwing Seating Discount. Windy, but worth it.

*Marry an aircrew member and get free flights. Even with alimony, still a bargain.

*Try a “Minimal Maintenance Special.” These are older planes the airlines don’t fix because they’re retiring them soon, unless they crash first.

*Always bring your own food with you. Never buy expensive snatch at the airpork.

Remember, as Skippy says: The next time you fly, happy motoring!

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