Saturday, January 10, 2009
Skippy the Analyist Anals the Redskims
Well here it is with the Supper bowl approaching, and Skippy’s favorite fubbal team has had it’s dopes and schemes cruelly flushed down the porcelain convenience.
So it’s about time Skippy waited in on what the heck is wong with the Wredskins. After all, it is the post-seasoning beyotching Season of the Year, footballwisedlyspeaking.
Let's stop with the front orifice. First of leave, stop picking on Vinny Ceratini for not being sorry for his mistooks. The guy started his own radio show, and that has keeped him two busy to apologize for his incompetence. Just like George Bush W. I’m sure when the Redskims General Mangler in Chief of Charge of Footballs and Operations gets fired from his radio show he’ll have plenty of time to ‘splain to fans why he is such a yutz. (Yutz is a Jewish word for Schmuck, which is a Jewish word for Putz.)
Let’s start with last year when hops were higher than Cheech Marin with pocketful of blunts. Okay, so Vinny dafted three guys who can’t walk and chew gum at the same time to goose up the passing attack and that ended up giving HIM the bird. One can’t wake up, one can't line up, one can’t stand up without his knees turning into mushmellons.
He also dafted a corner botch who is 5’2” and couldn’t cover Alaska with snow during a hurricane of snow only colder which water has to be to be snow and a hurricane doesn’t have it but Skippy can’t think of the word for Blizzard.
The punter he dafted is now working at a Seven-11, which ironically was the average length of his punts--seven foots, eleven inches, plus Federal Exercise Tax.
Also, he traded for Peg Leg Bates to play defendible end. Twice. First there was Irritable James, a one legged guy who lives in a hospital. His best rush technique was hoping the QB got injured, then sneaking into the ER and hitting him over the head with a bedpan.
The other bozo was a 55-year-old tap dancer, who is 6’6” 120 pounds, and who worked out in the off-season with Rita Moreno . Vinny managed to swindle him away for only a 2nd round pick despite demands by Miami for an eighth-rounder and a bag of beer nuts.
Jason the Tailor spent the season in the whirlypool, on the bench or in the ‘skins defensive backfield, where he usually got blocked to. He plans to spend this off-season on the Gaza, Strip-dancing with Joe the Plumber.
Vinny also mangled to sign Bill Clinton Portis as lifetime running back at a crap figure so high, he can never be fired, which encourages him to be shellfish and nut a team prayer.
Meanwhile, Don Snyder refusals to hire a general mangler whose religion doesn’t forbid the dafting of linemen.
This is whay the Redskims suck. Again.